Ifa on multiple marriage partners

This is the marriage arrangement that people of European origin define as polygamy, polygyny or polyandry. 

Just as monogamy is advised by Ifa; there is no direct prohibition of polygamy. Ifa advises on the problems inherent in such a relationship, leaving the choice to the person to make. 

In Odu Òyèkú - Méji (MJO), Ifa advises establishing balance by matching appropriate application to appropriate situations. Ifa illustrates some of the problems inherent in polygynous relationships and advises balance.

ÒYÈKÚ - MÉJI:

Ì yí tẹ́ẹ 'yí 'dó

Ẹ má yí ìkòkò bẹ́ẹ̀

Tẹ́ẹ bá yí ìkòkò bẹ́ẹ̀ 

Inú Al'ámọ̀ a bàjẹ́

Inú Ol'ódó a máa d'éfun

N'ítorí odó ni igi

ìkòkò l'amọ̀ 

Ọ̀Kan pééré-pééré

'Un l'obìrin ndùn mọ lọ́wọ́ ọkọ

 T'ó bá di méji

A d'ejó  

T'ó bá di méta

A d'ọ̀pá àlàyé pọ̀nràn pọnran

 B'ó di mẹ́rin 

A d'èèyàn k'éèyàn

B'ó d'àrún 

A d'àjẹ́

Tó bá di mẹ́fà 

A ní kí n'Ifá ọkọ àwọn nf'óbìrin í ṣe 

 T'ó bá di méje

A ní ìyáà mi l'ó gbé mi ṣ'èyí

Translation:

As you tumble the mortar on the ground You do not so do the earthenware pot If you so do the pot

The pot will be sad (break)

The mortar shall be indifferent

Because the mortar is wood

The pot is clay (earthenware)

It is only when a woman is the only wife alone 

That the husband knows peace and enjoys her 

When it is two wives

It results in too many complaints

When they become three 

 It results in long sessions of explanations

At the number four

The husband is maligned as a bad person

At five

Witchcraft is incriminated somewhere

When they become six

They wonder what their husband wants more women for

When they are seven

They accuse their mother of having talked them into the marriage

The concept of harmony and balance to have peace and enjoy mental healthfulness is entrenched in marriage relationships. The need to avoid self-created problematic relationships is emphasized by Ifa. If on the other hand, a man decides to have many wives, he should be prepared for the sacrifices of mental, economic and physical health required. 

The demands for his attention to problem-solving will be great. This would be attention he could apply to more rewarding pursuits like the upbringing of children, the enjoyment of his wife and the enjoyment of good mental health. 

However, there is an unspoken message for the woman too. This message is at the core of the concept of equality of choice in decision-making. The message is that if a woman would allow herself to be persuaded to join a polygynous marriage, she should be prepared for the required sacrifices. 

These sacrifices would include recriminations, complaints, false accusations and general unease. In such circumstances, it will be difficult to enjoy good mental health. 

Ifa in many cases discourages divorce, instructing that the elders in the concerned families must sit in council to correct the problems and give guidance and support to the husband and wife. Very often, great tolerance is required of the husband.

 

If on the other hand, the wife is incorrigible or recalcitrant, the husband is encouraged to take another wife with her. This places different but equally important responsibilities on both the husband and the wife for the success of their marriage. The husband must show understanding and the wife must control her actions and attitudes. 

The object is that they are both encouraged to see, acquire and enjoy the fruits of marriage in the joy of having children and other values in the society. A highly evolved society will create a value system that epitomises the human person and that person's relationships with his or her environment. This is what Ifa prescribes for all societies as a prerequisite for the enjoyment of good mental health. 

African societies have known, appreciated and practised this for at least fifteen to twenty millennia.

Àbọrú àbọyè.

F.O.B